I’ve briefly and intimately shared the story of why we decided to grow our family by one more human. And, the truth is, I did not really decide this. While I was adamantly and verbally expressing that we would not be adding to our family this year (2024), I was already pregnant.
John really wanted one more baby. Through the last few years, he has missed a lot of our children’s infancies due to traveling and training with the military. One night when we were having a heartfelt conversation that started with me joking about having another child, he said “I would really like that.” He expressed to me that he had missed so much of our kids’ little years that he really has no memories of them as babies and this broke me. Yes, I have photos on my phone, but these years were so full of the constant “go-go-go,” the packing and unpacking, that his personal memories are not there.
When you see your husband make huge sacrifices for your family and others around you and hear him admit that he has no memories of his children as babies, it sends a dagger to the heart. This started the journey of me praying that God would change my heart if it was meant to be.
A couple weeks later the conversation came up again. I looked him straight in the face and said “I’m open to discussing this, but it is one million percent not happening this year. It’s not happening right now. Maybe next year, but we have so many variables we are managing right now.”
Little did I know, I was already pregnant. I swear God was laughing.
There are times in life when we feel like there are obstacles we can absolutely not handle. Every single time God humbles me and teaches me that I am not in control. He is the one who can sustain me. He is the one who will teach me how to thrive in the next season.
As a result, the next step in my journey was to learn how to handle pregnancy for the 4th time and potentially even enjoy it.
Edit: Here I am in my second trimester, and I not only have learned to enjoy being pregnant, I have learned so much that I cannot wait to share with you!
Until then….
